Happy Happy Happy

Got the sun out, loud loud music on, windows open, guitar on full, amps just right, drums are sounding good, and my heart is pulsing with affection for a girl - feels great :-)

wierd day so far

So upon awaking this morning, I was hit by a gut feeling that today would be a strange day, and indeed it is.
So far, I have been offered half a lamb (yes, damian hirst style), and I wonder whether I'll have to butcher it myself.

Otherwise, it's a day of non-stop phone calls, I can feel the microwaves heating my brain already from the mobile

Am Back

Hmm...so it seems I haven't used this in a long time, years in fact.
so I'm still broke, but still working, still a security wonk, but now with added Identity management ;-)

Still screwed up, still prone to cycles of depression, mania and lethargy, still drink too much, still don't know what i want, still know that things'll stay the same...

Hopefully I can keep writing here to keep the psyche from fraying too much

the company i work for has been acquired - "business as usual" till end of june and we have to re-interview for our old jobs....whicj are only guaranteed for 6 months...and we got stiffed on the options :-(

bollocks....

time to find a new job before i get pushed out by the other corporate monkeys i guess...

hmm...

3 people I know now have cancer, and they’re all under 50.
I just found out I’ve been made insolvent.
My in-laws are staying.
Work is heading into a crisis situation.
err…I’ve had enough of this game, I’d like to go home now please…

5-meo and me

I met this guy on a train back to Brighton once, and got stuck into one of those amazing random conversations that one has when you’re not expecting it.
Anyway to cut a long story short (if anyone ever reads this and wants to get the full story then ping me) I ended up taking a fairly sizeable pinch of 5-Meo-DMT

Probably the single most amazing experience I’ve ever had, bearing in mind it only lasted about half an hour in total. I would put it down as feeling similar to the way the experience of traveling to/from the Matrix looks in those films, except less visual and more visceral. Once I had got to wherever it was, I thought I was in the presence of a deity, then I thought it was an alien, then I realised I was in the company of myself aged about 5. I said hello and we sat and talked in a way that it’s uncomfortable to describe in such few words, but none the less was deeply moving and made me feel very happy in a deep and simple way.

Then I was pulled back to the real world as violently as I had left it (like a bungee rope tied to my belly button I’d say), save that now it was as though I had been  - dunno – rebooted. Old worries and prejudices were gone, I felt cleaned and tuned – an experience I would genuinely recommend everyone do at least once…

So, to return to Casey.
Having spent a couple of hours in his company before leaving this planet, I would categorically say he was of the martyr/change the world/drug evangelist school of film rather than a career criminal in the moral sense, so naturally I find the press coverage I linked to above a bit upsetting, specially as he got 20 years….20 years!!!! ‘s not like he even made stuff like crystal meth or smack for crissakes…

What the courts did to him just wasn’t right, y’know?

Its been a long week

It’s been a long week…
Folkestone, Darlington and Leeds in three days, with a vapour trail of beer flowing out from behind me.
Closed some business, and then started reading  this
the New Orleans blog coming out of the hosting firm Internic
Jesus fuck – sounds like hell on earth down there – makes 28 Days Later seem like nothing in comparison.
And why are the US news media treating it like it’s the people’s fault?
Get the feeling that the US administration hasn’t woken up to the fact that they’re in a shithole of their own making, and it’s pretty much all downhill from here…